I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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