I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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