i was born a porn star she said
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
