Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
