I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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