Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
