I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
