sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
