just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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