I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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