listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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