Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
whose ass print is on the piano?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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