dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
