After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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