I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
