so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
