Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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