My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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