dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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