im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
