dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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