All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
