Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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