Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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