Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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