i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
