I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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