I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
