i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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