Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
