You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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