seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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