Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i believe in u and ur pee
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
