You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
