I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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