he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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