She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
