I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
