I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
