He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
