you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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