My hand turned me down
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
