Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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