the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
