I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize