i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
