I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
