grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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