So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize