i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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