just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
