Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize