Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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