the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
