: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
