Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
