god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize