Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
