So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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