youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
