Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
