insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize