I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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