My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
