i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
