Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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