Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
