I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
