I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
