you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
