you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
