So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
