I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just found puke in my bra..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Holy sore nipples Batman
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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