He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
