Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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