i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
