i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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