Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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