Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
