He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
