then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
