I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
