Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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