Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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