Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
