Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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