she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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