just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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