I'm jealous of your bromance
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have aggressive nipples.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
