I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
