Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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