apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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