No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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