dude i'm inner monologue high
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
