He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
