is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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