I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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