mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I need moral support for this bender
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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