drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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