My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
