so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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