You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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