I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
