i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize