Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
