I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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