You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
