My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
