So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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