So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
