Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
