and you said cock pushups were impossible
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
