i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
