Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
