forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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