i just had sex bonerless
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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